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A Letter| Parag Saini

It's been a long time since i wanted to talk with you but you know it's a busy time and i rarely find time, even for myself. So it's not easy to say what i want to say but something tells me the time has come to cease my silence. You know perfectly most of time is spent in figuring out what i want but you know what , i am really afraid of finding my dream. I don't want to enter the regular grinder with the intention of being converted to paste..i want to enter the mixer and rotate the crushers on my own will . So what i was saying is that i am a coward, fearful little creature who looks into mirror in order to find someone else in his place. He doesn't hate himself ..but he is just obsessed with some things ...same station ..safe journey ..all planned . Who gives a damn idiot. You are gonna live for a few years and then you are dirt and nobody gives a damn when you are cold. Few years.. that' a lie but whatever ..let's say a period of time. You gotta take take the calculated steps, calculated breaths, calculated beats which are gonna cease sometime. And you won't be able to say," Hey , wait for a minute. I am waiting for someone who promised..." Even if death felt sorry and gave you a minute ...do you really think someone will come?? You gotta go alone just like you entered the stage. Forever is not possible. That's the quality of it ..not knowing what's gonna transpire next, the beauty.... I lost my track , where was i ? Yes , of course, so i was trying to tell you what i wanted to say in a substantially small amount of words and i believe you are giving me enough attention. Then there are some emotions that can't be explained. Not for me, i don't feel anything it is just cold stone inside. I am just trying to make a point. So those emotions which can't be converted into words tend to trigger a short circuit in your brain and that little emotion ..that infatuation gets into veins and flows with the blood. You want it to be deleted ..uninstalled from your system but i don't think it works that way. I should say that it would have worked better if our mind waa an software program running on codes not the bloody neurons ,because z half of what neurons make us think is non existent..it never happens. No ,wait, more than half. I am not making any sense , am i ? You are still beating so i think i should go on. You know it is far easier to crawl in the darkest than finding the light. You know why ..because you are afraid of the light . Not because it hurts your eyes but it leaves you alone away from rest of the dark world. But trust me , light is better...quite better than the dark. I am still not making sense...i should shut up and talk about you . At this moment i am supposed to take deep breath , put my hand on yours ,look into your eyes..just like the doctor did and i laughed my head off. I think he likes you more than me..went on talking about you for a long time . I am jealous of you.. So , there are dead cells floating inside you, trying to stop you from continuing . Doc says you won't last another month but you know i checked his background ..he has got a fake medical degree. But i know you won't leave me , you won't stop...you are beating from the day i opened my eyes, you won't betray me , i trust you. You know there are 204 countries in the world and none has heard your voice. We will make everyone hear you , in every nation there will be a radiation emitted by us. We won't stop, we will make it together, leaving was never an option and is not now..So, my dear HEART, Will you kill the world with me ??? I heard the beat, i will take that as yes..... Good Night..


IG: aarav_ob


 
 
 
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