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A letter to the 22 year old me || Neha Kaur

Author Details: 

Name: Neha Kaur

Link to my profile: https://instagram.com/nehakaur007


To the 22 year old me,  


I’ll soon be 22, it’s just a matter of days (don’t read: July 7) now honestly and all I’ve got to tell myself is to be somebody to me.... 

ALL I WANNA BE IS SOMEBODY TO ME... 

All my life I’ve imagined that one true love to come by, that one person I wanted to BE SOMEBODY to! You know, give him all it took to see him happy even if it meant destroying/shattering/ hurting/ exhausting myself of all I’ve got just to be SOMEBODY to you! 

Every all nighter I’ve pulled I imagined fictitious scenarios of us, 

With every sunrise, I wish he’d be here and I’d see that messy face and hear that deep voice. 

Damn, UGH. 

I imagined to be a perfect sister to my siblings, a perfect daughter to my parents, a perfect friend to anybody who knows me, a perfect person TO EVERYONE. 

Well, Somebody To You......

Never did this thought strike for EVEN ONCE.

To every damn time I chose everyone over me, Why Couldn’t I Make Myself choose ME instead?

Everyday I told someone I’d be there for them, Why Couldn’t I tell myself the SAME?

Why did I choose to keep hurting myself?

Well, the bigger question....

Will I Ever Be Somebody To Me before being someone else’s?

Well, five self-help books and a five hour conversation with my closest friends almost everyday later, I HAVE REALISED.....

I was afraid if I don’t choose people over me then when the time came, they’ll never choose and that time did come and guess what happened? 

You guessed it right, People Disappoint......

The only person who will never disappoint you in someone we never think of, YOU. With the fear of sounding like a self-centre’s bitch, I’ll take this opportunity and shamelessly say, “YOU CHOOSE YOU” and stop giving a damn about the people you’d die for in a heartbeat.. Sooner or later, they will disappoint you no matter what the intensity of forever you’ve mentioned in the ten thousand paragraphs you’ve written for them but uhm, I hate to break it to you but disappointment incoming bitchesssss! 

Expectation is the word, the moment u stop acknowledging its existence in the dictionary, you move towards a healthier living life both mentally and physically.... Remember and chant, People disappoint and expectations hurt.....This isn’t a one day change dark, it’s gradual and the moment you grasp this concept, ‘You will continue to choose you, always!’  

(P.S. you’re allowed to cry and allowed to take your own sweet time but remember to choose yourself, always)

Darl, you’re going to spend a lifetime with yourself so why not make peace with yourself and just be proud of the person you look in the mirror everyday.. So well, five self-help books and a five hour conversation with my closest friends almost everyday later, I HAVE REALISED.. 

Dear the 22 year old me,  

being 22 isn’t going to be easy darl but You will always (don’t read: try to) choose you.. ♥️ and that’s should be the goal... just remember, you can choose yourself and still be compassionate.. and just know, I’ll always love you.. 


With love, 

the 21 year old Neha.


 
 
 
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