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Betrayal | Shivangini Pandey

Updated: Jul 12, 2020

https://instagram.com/bkyuremw




Daddy called me princess. Mommy made sure I had the best clothes. Grandpa fed me well, grandma told stories of ancient lores. Life was all milk & roses, until it dawned upon me.

Shano, this is temporary. You have to grow up. This time won’t last. Where fairies kill goblins, & gods save the face of Earth from wretched monsters. Growing up, I realised, the people; they come in all shapes & sizes. Good & bad. Monsters & fairies. Yes! These fairy tails were a twisted harsh metaphor transitioning into reality ! 


Fairies too, had terribly transient lives. They, were not immortal. I realised, when my Grandpa, who raised me & loved me more than anyone left us to find eternal peace in the heavens.


The first very best friend I had went on to talk behind my back. That was one of my very first life lessons. No matter how good someone appears & talks to you ; you never know their true nature, until you come to know how they talk of you behind your back. 

Betrayal hurts the most; because it comes from someone you already know.


Then I realised, wait I do have friends. I found solace in the company of a mythical four legged creatures known to mankind since the dawn of beginnings. My furry friends. I’d cuddle them, run with them, play with them, tell them all my secrets. Of course they couldn’t tell me theirs , but I wouldn’t complain. My dogs were the purest & my most loved beings I ever lived with. 


Then rolled the teenage phase. The goblins & djinns were getting more & more real as I grew up. Depression came, swinging with it’s axe; giving new wounds when the old ones were yet to heal. People coming in & going out of your life when your struggling to hold yourself together just totally ripped me apart. The demons buried inside my head were had broken their seals of banish. Anger, sadness, anxiety, loneliness slept next to me in my bed. There were sleepless nights, streams of tears of agony & pain that my pillow held. The mornings when they dried up , the salt stains of the tears said: This too shall pass. With a very strict & formal paternal bond, because of the rebel teenage, there were huge misunderstandings between my family & me. Not talking about my weakness back then was my biggest mistake. 


Then, it dawned upon me. I’d been living in a fantasy world. Where my make-believe came true, with no repercussions, no bad outcomes. It was a big eye opening time for me. I learned, not everything goes the way you’d planned. Not everyone who promised to stay forever stays. You do you, deal with these outcomes & move on. Being cruel is an option, but being kind is a truly noble choice. You never know what someone else is going through.


I grew up the day I realised ; people are going to judge me, be mean, say nasty things whatever I do. So I might as well start doing whatever I love to do anyway. Then, I began writing. Putting my childhood heroes in words, & the demons that used to haunt me in the confines of my diary, made me rediscover myself. I realised I was healing. Writing about my pain, strengths & weaknesses kept me going. Then I began to challenge myself physically. I disciplined my diet & focused on building a healthy & strong body that I always wanted. By now, I had grown a thick skin around me to all the hate & taunts. I kept doing what it loved & it made me happy. Being sad didn’t suit me. So I became such a happy soul, doing what I loved, I made a bunch of other happy friends who’d love & support me throughout my journey & I’m ever grateful to them. This little princess grew up into a strong independent queen, with an unbending attitude & pride of a woman who once crumbled, built herself back from the very scratch.




 
 
 
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