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YourStory | Neha | BshubhamB

i


i waited by the airport gate, watching people do their things

a parent taking care of her sobbing child, a son calling his mother

a woman pacing away at her laptop to meet some deadline, &

an old couple sitting by the window, staring into the sky, waving at planes

& here, i was - sitting alone, by myself, three in the morning -

preventing myself from thinking, my thoughts are very mean.

boarding started for our flight to Egypt, & the crowd rushed to the gate

i waited for everyone to get in, then slowly dragged my feet,

pulled down by the heavy bag on my back -

i sat by the window, & stared out at the Kolkata Skyline - red with love,

we flew into the clouds, the world faded away & all i was left with were my thoughts

i tried to watch a movie, but relationships, love, affection were everywhere

i mean, my name is Neha - it literally means, love and affection

isn't it ironical that i feel like i have never really experienced these feelings


it's like an orange being red in color, would you still eat it?

i love dancing, it's the only place i feel at home - it's calm & being alone is good then,

at home too, my family is always supportive, & helpful but -

post 3 at night, it's just me - no family, no dance, no distractions

& like i have mentioned earlier, my thoughts are mean, they tell me things -

things that feel real, & that cut deep - things that make me question my existence,

things that make me feel like maybe, just maybe it'd be easier to give up

to not wake up with a smile, but just wake up & drag my feet through life

well, people always say there is so much more to see in the world - hence,

here i am, flying across the continent to see the world -

i am sure this will confirm my suspicions & life will be just as painful there


ii

the night had taken over the sands, it was chilly out

i walked out of the air conditioned airport into a natural freezer

it was about seven in the evening, the street lights blinked into existence

the sky was covered in stars, it all felt like a dream come true

they didn't speak my language, neither did they understand my gestures

i was truly alone, after various embarrassing attempts,

i managed to get a taxi, it took me to my room -

a little place i had rented for the next few weeks, the morning followed

& life fell headfirst into a beautiful routine, one that changed my life

i ran down the sand dunes into arms of strangers,

i got my photo clicked with people i didn't know, ran from city to city

from people to people, learning about them, understanding them

i just wondered why i had never experienced this feeling in Kolkata

that city was just as beautiful, i was afraid of the answer -

but i knew it, it was my fault - i had never put effort into things,

into feelings, into myself and what i may have liked,

freedom is dangerous drug, the trip made me addicted to it -

i abused it's availability as long as i did have it, there was nothing to stop

i could be anyone i want to, i could finally be myself

there was no need to hide, nothing to fear, no one to judge me -

this high ended abruptly when the two weeks of stay ended,

it didn't feel like 336 hours, but more like 336 seconds -

the full stop came to early, & the shackles pulled me back into the cage


iii

i spend the flight staring out, smiling to myself

unaware of life around me, the crying baby in row four

it was just me, and my thoughts - but they weren't sad,

they were happy, they were ready to roll, they are content

the trip had taught me much about Egypt, and reality

but it taught me most about myself, it taught me to love myself

i realized that everything in the world felt bleak & empty

because the world is a wave, and it needs something to resonate with

so far, i have been hollow & unloving to myself,

but now that i am filled to the brim with hope, and love -

everything is awesome like the Lego movie,

the world is a bed of sunflowers

i didn't need anyone else, or anything else - i just need myself.

my parents had come to the airport to pick me up,

they were amazed to see me, not because i had a funky hairstyle

but because they saw the flutter in my steps,

i wasn't dragging through life - i was dancing through it.




 
 
 
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